Cause and Effect

"Law of Cause and Effect -- The elemental patterns of nature exist in balance. Disturbances in these patterns (cause) results in consequential alterations of the patterns of nature (effect.) If the physical body is malnourished, it atrophies. The same is true on the spiritual plane. Nourishment results in strength. To determine why something has come into your life, you simply have to search for the cause of the effect."

Okay, so here is my crazy cause and its unfortunate events:
I crushed so hard on this guy...let's call him...um, Jim Bob. My feelings for him were very strong, so I continued to try and manipulate the forces of nature to get him to feel the same way for me. He was a smart one this Jim Bob...he gave me just enough of a sense of hope to appease me and then...nothin'. This went on for years...6 or so years, but who's counting? Anyway, one day I sat in my lonely apartment and I once again had the thought that I had regularly had about Jim Bob...I felt like a partial person because I accepted less than what I wanted. I took what I could get and I knew I could not ask for more for fear he would be bothered and leave...so I waited and I hoped. The Cause in this situation was that I accepted my position in this partial relationship where the male part quite obviously didn't feel the way I did.
The Effect? A sense of self betrayal and lonliness. I could have empowered myself, I could have made a different choice. In that apartment I wrote a letter to Jim Bob that I never mailed because honestly it was never about him. I still have that letter today. The point of the letter was that I was making a declaration that I finally had decided that I was the one I loved. I chose me. I wanted to feel whole again and the only way to feel whole was to gain my sense of love and respect that I had forgotten when I entered into this so called relationship. When I decided that I could not ask for more and that I had no sense of self value...is when I turned my back on my authenticity and self love. After writing that letter, I put it away and I knew something had shifted. I knew that for once, I was choosing something worthy of all this energy...me. The effect? Other than self esteem and liberation? A real relationship and a real family that I would not have created if I had not made that critical decision in that apartment that day. How about you?

Angela H